“And on the seventh day, God looked down upon the earth and said… ‘OH MY ME! I LEFT MY WEED EVERYWHERE!!!’ ”
(- credit for my favorite weed joke goes to some late night comedian seen on TV while I was pregnant with my son wishing I could have something ‘hard’ like.. nyquil..)

(That sound you heard after the quote was my mother’s groan, btw. And probably a threat to wallup me a good one… heh.)

So. Michael Phelps hits the bong, and self-righteous twits rise up from everywhere, and shake their fingers, and equate consider it a “gateway drug” that will lead to “steroid use”. Think I’m kidding? I’m not – just check out The View’s resident prude, Elizabeth Hasselback’s comments. Go ahead, I’ll wait.

Ok, so, while I once again wonder if Elisabeth Hasselback does anything but watch Fox News and worship Rush Limbaugh (…wait, doesn’t HE smoke weed or pop pills or some such? Yet he’s still a viable source for her…), Parents everywhere are covering their children’s eyes and tsktsking about the (possibly) greatest athlete of our time’s decent into depravity and drug addiction. After all, everyone who’s ever partaken of marijuana is now a raving addict craving heroin so badly they sell their crackhead kids just so they can overdose and die.

Extreme? You betcha. Don’t get me wrong here, I’m not saying that everyone should go out right now and hit the bong (Wait till 4:20, man! We’ll hit together!), but the reaction to Phelps’ pictures this weekend have bordered on the ridiculous. For me, I’m gonna go out on a limb here and say lay off the kid, for crissakes. He’s still a kid, and he isn’t perfect.

My stance probably can be blamed on a number of things. I’m from Alaska (Matanuska Thunderfuck, anyone?), I hung with the Stoner Crowd in high school, I’ve smoked weed myself…

(waits for mom to revive again)

…granted, I was 31 years old the first time, and TBF is a bad, horrible influence for which I love him dearly, but yes, partaking has occurred. It just doesn’t seem to be that big of a deal to me. Sure, some people get psychologically addicted – Marijuana, despite what people will insist on telling you, is NOT physically addictive – sure, some people are weak minded and decide they must have a bigger, badder high, etc. but to me, it’s just.. weed. Along with other vices (BAAAAAAAAACOOOOOON), done in moderation and with forethought, it’s just not that big of a deal.

I know, all the parents out there are screaming that I’m a horrible mom about now, but well, I don’t care. My point is this – if you have taught your kids well, to be safe, careful, and in control of themselves (as that is the ONLY thing they can control, anyway), then is it REALLY something to flip out over?

In the end, Phelps has issued an apology for his ‘mistake’ and promised it wouldn’t happen again. People are up in arms that this man who’s paid to be a role model to our kids has done something so devastatingly horrible – but the fact is, he’s a paid spokesperson, not a paid role model, though he’s still someone to look up too for his athletic prowess.

So how about this, parents – instead of preaching and yelling and self-righteous twithood, we teach our kids that people are HUMAN, and that NO ONE is perfect. Everyone does questionable things, and what matters is how we react to them. Placing athletes and celebrities on a pedestal is a waste of time and energy.

At the end of the day, they put their pants on one leg at a time, just like we do.

ETA: AMEN!