Archive for the ‘Daughters’ Category

So, by all accounts the Band is having a SPLENDID time in Florida. Of course, I’ve only the OH SO GIDDY hundreds of text messages to go by, but I’m pretty sure it’s a safe bet that if Peppermist could somehow live in Miami and Alaska at the same time? She totally would.

Observe:

Peppermist: OH! HEY! I’m in FLORIDA! ooooooooh lookit the pretty lights… SHINY.

Peppermist: HAPPY ME! We walked in a THUNDERSTORM. Real rain, mama! Lightening and thunder! Next to a highway! Kept getting splashed! Three miles! I’m DRENCHED! I LOVE THE RAIN!

Peppermist: Two Words. COLLEGE BOYS.
Me: One word. DEAD.

Peppermist: College student walked by on phone – all we heard was “It’s fuckin’ DIAGONAL!” HAHAHHHAHAHA!
Me: O_o.

Peppermist: My hips hurt!
Me: Why?
Peppermist: IDK. I have the insides of an 80 year old man.
Me: Well give them back! I’m sure he NEEDS his insides!
Peppermist: HAHAHAHAHA! I love you.

Peppermist: I’m watching the OLYMPIX! FROM THE FUTURE!
Me: What’s it like in the future?!
Peppermist: Full of stupid teachers and homework. Just like always. WHERE’S MY FLYING CAR?
Me: Hey! THAT’S MY LINE!
Peppermist: I stole it. FUTURISTICLY.

Peppermist: You need sleep?
Me: ….usually. Why?
Peppermist: Cuz I’m SO COVERED IN SAND that I could be the SANDMAN!
Me: Happy Beach Day!

Peppermist: I TOUCHED AN ALLIGATOR!
Me: WASH YER HANDS!

Peppermist: Uh. Sunburn. Also? Hives from sunscreen.
Me: Benedryl.
Peppermist: ow.ow.ow.ow.ow.ow.ow.

Peppermist: LOTS of pictures of Gators! And? I CAPTURED ONE! I’m bringing him HOME! He’s FEISTY!
Me: O_o….he’s living in your room.
Peppermist: Nah, the dog will eat him. He can live in the crawl space!
Me: SCORE. Home security!
Peppermist: That’s what I thought! Cant get him through airport security though. Have to ship him home UPS.
Me: Feed him first. Don’t want him to eat the UPS guy.
Peppermist: Of course. We won’t need the chaperons anymore by then, right?
Me: O_o.

That’s mah girl. I can’t wait till she comes home. My life is EVER so boring without her.

DOOOOOOOOOOOM I say!

It started when Peppermist decided she wanted to go on the band trip in February. I knew then that I’d need to get her at least a State ID for the trip, and of course SHE was certain that meant I would let her take her Drivers Permit test. The boy, of course, said no way – since I hadn’t let HIM get HIS until just before his 16th birthday, because I just wasn’t ready and he was already mad that she got her cell phone a year before he did. (….inorite?)

ANYWAY, I quickly ran into a problem – I’d put the kids Social Security cards in a safe place so that I wouldn’t lose them. And…promptly forgot where the hell that place was. Whoops. No problem, I knew where their birth certificates were, so it’d be simple to get them the cards right?

Wrong.

You see, apparently, to get a replacement SS card, you need a picture ID. And, as stated, I couldn’t get her a picture ID without a SS card. And her School ID wouldn’t count, because it doesn’t have her birthday on it. OH ISN’T THIS FUN? FINALLY, after getting the runaround for months, they said they’d accept a copy of their shot records, as long as it was stamped by the Health Center making it semi-official.

So, papers in hand, I get them all signed up, I’m told it’ll take two weeks for them to get here, which is plenty of time to get a State ID, so everything’s cool, right? RIGHT! So they arrive in the mail…. The Boy’s, the Pup’s… and that’s it.

The one. card. i. needed. and it. didn’t. come!

NOW I started to panic, but I gave it another week just to be sure, and FINALLY Peppermist’s card showed up. Which brings us to today…

You see, she leaves on Tuesday, and because I’m all about procrastinating (tomorrow…) and she had no school today, I took her over to the DMV to get her State ID. On the way there, I told her “If you think you can pass, I’ll let you take the test to.” KNOWING that she’d only read the book twice, and not for some time. She assured me she could, and that she’d thumb through the book while we waited.

Fine.
(NONONONONONONONONO)
Whatever.

So our number is called, and it turns out that the lady who we were dealing with, not only was the one who passed The Boy when he took his driver’s test, but ALSO happens to be a chaperon on the upcoming band trip! SCORE! I HAVE A SPY! We joked around a bit, and she went to take the test, and 15 minutes later?

She passed. In fact, she only missed 2, which is better than the Boy did (much to her delight). Which means?

I now have ANOTHER teenage driver in my house.

Hold me.

Wow. Today’s the last day of school before vacation for my rugrats, and others around the country are being let out tomorrow – and you know what that means… only a few days left to shop, and also? The kids will be HOME for TWO WEEKS.

I give it less than 24 hours before I hear the first “I’m bored!” But that’s Ok, because I’ve a WHOLE LIST of “Honeydos” for when they’re silly enough to say such things. You know, “honey, do this… honey, do that…” – it works for more than just husbands!

One thing I’ve noticed about the kids as they enter pre-teen and teen years, is that while the presents get smaller, they’re more expensive! But here’s one for your (and my!) girls who are ages 8-14!

It’s called the “New Moon Girls“, and there is an online community and a bi-monthly print magazine, too. The chats are moderated, and there’s a staff member online at all times to ensure the safety of the girls. It’s an ad-free space that’s by girls for girls, where they can share their thoughts, opinions, poetry and artwork in an environment meant to help boost their self-esteem, positive body image and confidence.

You can get a 30 day free trial, and then it’s just $29.95 for a full years access, which includes the bi-monthly magazine too. (You can see the current magazine here.)

You know me, I’m all for safe and positive places for our girls, where they can express themselves and be the strong amazing people we know them to be! So check it out today!

…not Sandra Dee…

We’ve had a bit of disappointment on the Grease stage. It seems that, although every other school trip is planned over Spring Break, the Band trip that Peppermist is going on, is in FEBRUARY. The week before Grease hits the stage. Unfortunately, this conflict was too big of one to overcome, and Peppermist had to drop out of the chorus.

I’m bummed.
Peppermist is completely ok with this, however.

She was still feeling pretty lonely without her friends there to enjoy the experience with her. Friends that are scared to come into my house right now because they read the previous post about my being Not. Happy about them ditching Peppermist at the auditions. Hahah! They came bearing cookies yesterday to bribe their way back into my good graces. Smart girls…

So, while we’re disappointed, Peppermist is clearly looking at the bright side of things. “This means I get to WATCH it! Which is TOTALLY what I’d rather do than just be in the CHORUS.” So, when she returns from her Band Trip, all flush with excitement and new experiences, she and I have a date to watch the play – and sing along from the audience.

And that’s just fine for the both of us.
(And it makes it safe for her friends to come around again. Bonus! )

Oh what a long weekend! While the little stabby dudes of doom are still stabbitying my lower back, it didn’t stop me from doing the Proud Mama thing all weekend long. Because that’s simply how I roll… (…I’m such a gangsta, yo!)

Saturday was the first swim meet of the season for the Pup, The Candy Cane Splash, which meant hopping into Nana’s car at the bright and early and happy hour of 5am – after having slept about 2 hours myself – and heading north to Seward. Papa offered us some cash if we “needed it” and we decided we “needed breakfast and coffee” so that worked out well too.

We got to the pool right at 8am, where the kids all hopped into the pool for warmups to get ready for the day. And what a successful day it was! All of our kids did well – the Pup, and my niece and two of my nephews (the third stayed at home to play with Peppermist and the puppies), and The Pup is EXTREMELY proud that along with destroying some of her times from last year, she also never once came in last in any of her heats! For a girl who struggled last year to get the strokes down, not DQ, and simply finish a little better than she had the time before, this was a HUGE moral boost for our waterbaby! Even the coach commented that she was a LOT stronger this year, and all her work during the off season paid off for her big time.

So for those who’d like to share a little bit of the day – here’s my Pup in all her swimming glory, in 5 events. I have videos of all our kids, of course, and you can click through to see how AMAZING they are too if you like!

Just ignore the crazy lady shouting encouragements in the background. I have NO idea who she is – someone really aughta gag her…

We arrived back into town in the early evening, and all the kids collapsed for some sleep. And by “all the kids” I totally mean me, as I pretended to watch a movie with the Pup and instead got yelled at for snoring. WHATEVER.

The fun wasn’t over yet though, as yesterday was the Annual December Band Concert for the high school and junior high bands. Peppermist has been in band since the 5th grade, so we’re getting quite used to all of these concerts, and measuring just how much improvement the kids have from concert to concert, year to year.

Yesterday’s concert was amazing – with only a few bobbles here and there, and some really good solos as well – which made it an enjoyable way to spend the afternoon.

One of the best parts about it though is the Charlie Brown Tree in front. APPARENTLY Charlie Brown is “cool” again, and I simply didn’t know it.

Peppermist: Charlie Brown is AWESOME. Charlie Brown is ALWAYS cool.
Me: … you kids gotta TELL me these things!
Peppermist: pfft. Some things you just know. Gawd, Mom.

So that was my weekend – How was YOURS?!

So, The Boy dropped Peppermist off for her auditions, where she was to meet her friends. I got a call about five minutes later, to direct her where to go, where the auditions were being held, and talk her through a couple things. Then? A second call, where she tells me her friends bailed on her and didn’t show. Since the boy had my car, I had no ride, so I offered to call Gramma and have her stop by on her way home from work, and got:

“Have her come get you? I don’t want gramma, I want YOU…”

Awwwwwwww. Needless to say, I dropped everything, stole Papa’s car, (with his and Nana’s blessings) and dashed to the school. And checked out her audition form, and patted her arm and gave her a hug, and encouraged her to be assertive and pick a dance group, and applauded when she sang, and did all the good Mama things that good mama’s do on such an occasion – including pointing out that she was FAR from the worst singer there, despite what she says.

Before the audition, the Director talked a bit about the roles available, the songs that would need sung, the fact that they need more boys to try out, and then the kicker: They have whitewashed it according to School Board Policy. Among some of the changes: Rolling up gum in their shirt sleeves instead of cigarettes, drinking cola instead of beer, a few word changes in some of the songs, ‘Dad space’ between dancers, and the requirement that Parents sign off their permission on Sandy’s final outfit – the uber leather get-up.

It’s the word changes that had me protesting – loudly – however. In front of the group. You see, in the Sandra D song, they had to change the word “virginity”.

VIRGINITY.
PEOPLE. VIRGINITY IS NOT A BAD WORD.
In fact, I’d rather my daughter not only KNOW the word but STILL POSSESS IT until she’s oh, 87! These are the same people shoving “abstinence only” education down their throats, and they thinks VIRGINITY is too racy to be in a play.

VIRGINITY!

I… I am SPEECHLESS. It’s ridiculous to the extreme. Instead of Lousy with virginity, the words now read “Lousy Miss Prudidity”, which ISN’T EVEN A WORD according to FireFox.

AUGH. It’s RIDICULOUS.

The only thing making me smile in terms of Sandra D this morning is this little guy – who’s parents CLEARLY are AWESOME.

Oh, the house is atwitter today, with random comments like this:

“I don’t drink, swear, I don’t rat mah hair, I get sick from one ciggarrette! Keep you’re filthy paws of my silky drawers! Would you pull that on Annette?”

“Elvis! Elvis! Let me be! Keep that pelvis far away from me!”

And of course the ever popular randomly sung out loud and proud:

“But… now… there’s… NOOOOOOOOO where to HIIIIIDE since I pushed your love asiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiide I’m OUT of my HEAD… hopelessly devoteeeeeeeeeeed…”

Yes, boys and girls – it’s time to try out for the local production of Grease, and Peppermist and the girls have been eagerly awaiting the day. Until today, of course, when I get a panicked text “It’s TODAY?!” And when I said yes, and told her the time, Peppermist proved she is SO my child… “TO THE YOUTUBES!”

Even now, she’s sitting, curled up with my laptop, earphones in place – with the volume loud enough I can still hear it, naturally – playing “Sandra D” over and over again and singing along.

She may not get the part – but as she said just now talking to C, who won’t join her because she’s ‘not good at acting’:

Peppermist: Neither am I, but I’d hate myself if I didn’t at least try!

That’s MAH BABY. Good luck, Peppermist!

25. TWENTY-FIVE DAYS IN A ROW. And only a couple fluff posts. I’d say NaBloPoMo is going pretty well for us here at Parenting Teens Blog, wouldn’t you? Of course, that does mean that today I’ve been staring at all the possible posts (and one OMGPINK reference blog post) and coming up somewhat blank. But have no fear, there WILL be a post here for today – and it won’t just be the paragraph!

…I think.

Last year, I think it was – or maybe the year before, Nana made a couple of my teen girls knit pendant that was really a condom carrier – because better safe than sorry! The girls loved them, and still have them as far as I know.

If you’re not so lucky as to have a Nana that knits, check these guys out – Just In Case, Inc. They make a compact – that has a compartment for a condom under the mirror. It’s sleek, stylish, and promotes safety – and you KNOW I’m all about that! The kids will have sex, eventually and likely far before we’re ready – it’s our job to give them the right information, and stress safety in all situations. Maybe the gift pack – that has the condom compact, AND “Sexervation” cards that help promote healthy conversation about sexual relationships is just the ticket.

Check them out today!

Raising girls is a scary scenario for many folks. Girls are moody and unpredictable and prone to self esteem issues and have to fight for careers and equal pay and face the huge dilemma of family vs. career and have to figure out how to juggle that, all while remaining supportive and happy and strong for their families. That’s a LOT of pressure to put on a girl, you know? Add to that the casual sexualization, the images in the media that focus on perfection (of an air brushed quality, of course!) and we find ourselves juggling what we see in print and on screen and what real girls look and feel like.

It’s a daunting task for a parent!

A while back Dove made a commercial filled with women of all shapes, sizes, and colors, naked (tastefully) and – most importantly – smiling. These women were (and are!) each beautiful, and comfortable in their own skin, despite a little extra curve there, a wrinkle here, a pouch over there. As a lover of women all shapes and sizes, the commercial made me smile every time I viewed it.

Since then, Dove has expanded their Campaign for Real Beauty into a feature rich site and resource to encourage healthy self-esteem for our girls! There is SO MUCH there in the ‘Just for Girls‘ section, including the True You booklet for mom’s and daughters, which goes through the mother/daughter relationship and how communication is the key.

You know what I ALWAYS say around here – TALK TO YOUR KIDS! This is no different, Dove Agrees. Here are some statistics that are important for us to know about our girls:

One-half of women around the world see family relationships as
having the greatest impact on their self-esteem.*
• Two-thirds of women believe that they are expected to be more
physically attractive than their mother’s generation.*
• Dissatisfaction with body image increases as girls progress to
adolescence. While 75% of girls 8-9 years old say they like the
way they look, only 56% of girls 12-13 years old feel that way.**
• One-third of all girls 14-17 years old think they are overweight,
and 60% are trying to lose weight.**
• Over 50% of girls 11-15 years old say that their mother helps
them the most when they have a problem.***

* Dove’s Real Truth About Beauty Study
** Girl Scout Research Institute – Teens Before Their Time, 2000
***Girl Scout Research Institute – The Ten Emerging Truths: New Directions for Girls 11-17, 2002

There are a ton of resources there to be had – including quizzes for your girls to take on the health of their relationships with their friends and family, body facts and fiction, how their self-esteem affects other people, how to help their confidence grow, and many more. I encourage you to check it out, and then show it to your girls! Healthy self-esteem starts at home, and Dove has some great tools to help us get there.

Check it out today!

It’s time for another snark filled edition of Ask Parenting Teens Blog! Remember, you two can get your questions answered if you just click here! And while you’re clicking, don’t forget to hit the sweepstakes over there –> as well as sign up for this weeks PTB Week of Kindness give away right HERE. Whew! Now, on to the question!

Dear PTB:
My daughter is 15, and she’s just MEAN. Not to anyone else, though, just to ME. She has friends, she is nice to her siblings – both older, both boys – but she just smarts off to me time and time again! Like the other day, she wanted a pen, and I gave her one, but it was the wrong color and she wanted me to buy her a different one and I told her I had things to do and she said “like what, just STAND there?” and that was really hurtful! She never talks to anyone else this way! I take away her texting every time she says something rude but she won’t stop! All her friends think I’m a good mom, but not her! She gets good grades and is generally a good kid, she just hates me! What do I do?!
~Mama Hurts

Dear Mama,
Welcome to the world of Female Teenage Hell. Really, you can’t possibly be surprised, right? You are? Ok. Here we go.

You probably expected that your daughter would be easy, just as your sons were, right? It’s not gonna happen. A teenage girl is an entirely different animal. In fact, sometimes, we aren’t sure they’re even really human – they’re too screechy moody yellingly bullheaded and stubborn. They slam doors, stomp around, smart off, and nothing is good enough for them. They hate you, they know you hate them, and WHY IS EVERYONE ALWAYS PICKING ON ME GOOOOOOOOOOOOD LEMME ALOOOOOOOOOOOOOONE. (slam). Right? Right.

Now, I’m not saying its ok for her to be mean to you, but I do want you to stop and think this through a bit. To a teenage girl, EVERYTHING is high drama. The wrong color pen, a missing button, a speck of dust on a window she didn’t even clean herself. Hormones are crazy, her body and mind are struggling to adjust, and she’s searching for something she can control. She’s hoping it’ll be Mom. She’s learning it’s not that easy.

So while she’s learning to control her own reactions and actions, you need to teach her by example – and control your own. You take her texting away every time she says something you think is mean? Well, of COURSE she thinks you’re mean then! It’s her main form of breath – I mean, communication! And if yo do it every time, no matter the severity of the comment, etc, then it’s not really a matter of the punishment fitting the crime. Time to think of some other creative ways to get through to her – this one isn’t working.

When my kids were young (two of them girls) I knew the day would come when they’d say the phrase every parent swears they’ll never hear, but 99% of us do. The dreaded “I HATE YOU!” which is often followed by “You’re the worst mom EVER!” and the slam of a door. So, I decided ahead of time how I was going to handle it. Every time one of my kids said they hated me, I very calmly told them exactly this:

“That’s OK, I love you enough for the both of us.”

You see, even if they yell that they hate us, act like they do, push our buttons – they don’t really. There’s something going on that is bothering them, or they’re just trying to see how much they can push you, and where you draw the line. Another thing I’ve taught my kids is that the ONLY reactions they can control, is their own – and in remaining calm and simply saying the above in the face of their “hatred”, I prove that to them as well. I can’t control their feelings, and I don’t want too, either. I can, however, control how I react to them.

We’re a bunch of snarky folks around my house – if my daughter snarked “just stand there?” I’d say something along the line of “Why yes, I am quite fond of this spot. I think I’ll just STAND here all DAY. It’s my FAVORITE spot in the WHOLE HOUSE.” Just to see what she’d say. She’d probably flounce away and slam a door. Then I’d laugh. Because I am mean, heartless and cruel.

(And if she KEPT slamming the door, I’d remove it from the hinges. But that’s a different story.)

So bottom line is this: She doesn’t really hate you. She’s trying to push your buttons. She may even be upset because all her friends sing your praises, and she just doesn’t see you the same way because your HER mom and not THEIR mom. So it’s really very simple – don’t let her get to you. Remain calm, don’t take it personally, and remind her that you love her anyway. Try talking to her, without raising voices, without anyone else around to know you’re (GASP) talking, and see if there’s something else bothering her, too.

Remember, once upon a time, you were 15, and you hated your parents too.

You even said that her grades are good, she respectful to others, she has good friends, and is generally a very sweet and good girl. So talk to her, temper your own reactions, and see where that gets you. You might be surprised.