Archive for the ‘NaBloPoMo’ Category

Well would you look at that! I found something to post every day for 30 days – and with a minimum of fluff posts! AND you all came and saw and played along! Thanks for doing that – you guys are the best!

And – after 30 days of posting, I really have nothing else to say today. Haha!

So congrats to all the others who have succeeded in NaBloPoMo, and special congrats to those who whipped out 50k for NaNoWriMo, which I completely bombed at this year. Heh.

And to all of use who didn’t QUITE perform up to the standards we wanted too this month? Hey – there’s always next time!

I’ve mentioned him before, so all you fine folks are following Josh Shipp now, right? RIGHT? What do you mean, no….

Alrighty, let me introduce you to him again! Josh Shipp is, as he says, a guy who shouldn’t be here. He grew up in foster care, and until one teacher and one foster family got him, and proved to him that he had something to say – he was headed down the wrong road. He’s also a success story for those of us with kids that get in trouble for talking in class – he did too, and now he’s one of the most sought after Teen Motivational speakers of our time.

He’s amazing – he really is. His tagline is “In your face, but on your side” and his no-nonsense advice is almost 99% of the time exactly what I’d tell a teen that came to me with the same problem. He’s a very big advocate of teens and parents TALKING, and you know that’s my number one statement around here!

He also has a new Josh in a Box Identity program, to help teens as they struggle to find their own sense of self – and from what I’ve seen, it’s really good, and worth every penny.

Now, don’t think Josh is just for the teens – because he opened a special Grown-up section of his site for us parents too.

So here’s what I want you to do: Send your Teenager to HeyJosh.com and let them poke around. It’s a good place for them to ask for advice on things they might not be able to talk to you about yet, and I’ve yet to see Josh stumble in the advice department.

Don’t believe me? Check it out. This is the latest on his weekly advice show:

See? He talks good game, and backs it up with good advice. So get you’re kids over there – send them the link today.

Then? Go to the grownup section, and sign up yourself. LIsten to his message, sign up for the email list, get the PDF “Five Mistakes” and watch that video too. It’s a great primer for the Parent of a Teenage Human, and well worth the watch/read.

You’ll be glad you did – and tell Josh I sent ya.

GOSH.

Well here’s some help for those teens on your list! I’ve dug up some gift idea posts over at Radical Parenting – they’ve got some great ideas for those kids of ours! It’s odd how the gifts get smaller – but MORE expensive?

Here’s their Top Gift List for Teens, and Best Stocking Stuffers, too.

Have at it – and be sure to tell me what great deals you scored – so I can be totally jealous.

Today is the biggest celebration in our little town – Christmas Comes to Kenai. As such, I almost completely forgot to post!

But I didn’t! Here I am!

I hope everyone enjoyed their Black Friday, and are sufficiently recovered from yesterdays Turkey Overdose. Today, the kids and I went to the Parade, where our Twirl Girl was participating with the Drum Line, and then we dashed over to pick her up at the end, only to find out she had to go back to the school first, and caught a ride, and then we went to stake our claim of The Parking Spot for the firework.

The girls were dropped off there, and we waited FOREVER and The Boy had a GIRL sitting in his lap the whole time (J, someone I’ve been nudging him toward since SIXTH GRADE) and we watched the fireworks, and then he walked J back to her car and I texted him a text saying “KISS HER” and he totally didn’t and glared at me and I lauuuuuuuuughed and laaaaaughed and then they put snow down my shirt and I killed them.

The end.

How was YOUR day?

From me and mine, to you and yours – enjoy your Turkey Coma!

(Yeah, I know, NaBloPoMo fluff post – but come on.. there’s pie to be eaten! PIE!)

25. TWENTY-FIVE DAYS IN A ROW. And only a couple fluff posts. I’d say NaBloPoMo is going pretty well for us here at Parenting Teens Blog, wouldn’t you? Of course, that does mean that today I’ve been staring at all the possible posts (and one OMGPINK reference blog post) and coming up somewhat blank. But have no fear, there WILL be a post here for today – and it won’t just be the paragraph!

…I think.

Last year, I think it was – or maybe the year before, Nana made a couple of my teen girls knit pendant that was really a condom carrier – because better safe than sorry! The girls loved them, and still have them as far as I know.

If you’re not so lucky as to have a Nana that knits, check these guys out – Just In Case, Inc. They make a compact – that has a compartment for a condom under the mirror. It’s sleek, stylish, and promotes safety – and you KNOW I’m all about that! The kids will have sex, eventually and likely far before we’re ready – it’s our job to give them the right information, and stress safety in all situations. Maybe the gift pack – that has the condom compact, AND “Sexervation” cards that help promote healthy conversation about sexual relationships is just the ticket.

Check them out today!

Nana got herself a ‘good parenting’ pin recently, which is awesome, cuz she done pretty damn good with me, if I do say so myself – and she shared with me what it said on the back. There’s some good stuff here – though they missed one. I’ll tack it on at the end. And comment, of course, because you know I have an opinion!

Here we go:

* Use effective discipline, not as punishment, but so your child learns self-discipline.

The key word here is USE. Don’t be afraid to discipline your child! Don’t make ME have to do it for you in the middle of a supermarket. Don’t make ME have to teach your kids right from wrong. Don’t rely on the school – or ME – to teach your kids core values that they should have learned years ago. You spread your legs and had a kid. Step up and do your JOB.

(this is not directed at any of the kids I have at my house regularly. They’re awesome! )

* Teach friendship and conflict resolution skills

Remember when you were young, and you and your best friend would fight over something stupid and it was the END OF THE WORLD and your mom would tell you to talk it out? And you hated to do it because somehow that would mean you were wrong, but then it ended up that your friend wanted to talk it out too, and you both were BFFs again by the end of the day? Yeah. Teach that.

* Be a good role model to teach character and values

Tolerance, understanding, compassion, forgiveness, acceptance, love. By example, folks. It’s the only way.

* Let your child learn from mistakes and disappointment

Man. The parents that refuse to allow their kids to fail? DRIVE ME UP A WALL. How the hell do you expect them to function in the real world if they haven’t learned to learn from their mistakes and disappointments? Protecting them is one thing – hobbling them is another thing entirely.

* Follow a daily routine for consistency and structure

I did this much better when they were young. Now, well, everyone’s routines are on different schedules. Sometimes you just do the best you can, and make sure that you’re connecting along the way.

* Tell and show your child that you love and accept them

AMENAMENAMENAMEN. You’re child’s one true champion is you, their parent. They need to know that no matter what, you will love and accept them. This INCLUDES if they are homosexual, they end up pregnant, they make mistakes, etc. You are their one rock. Make sur they know that you will not turn your back on them.

* Be a coach, not a critic, to instill a positive inner voice

You are their support team, you are their coach, you are the one they expect guidance from. Don’t destroy that by constantly telling them what they are doing wrong. Instead, help nurture that inner voice by telling them what they’ve done right, and how they can do things better.

* Teach your child emotion management skills and tools

I have a child that hits doors. I have a child that throws pillows. I have a child that screams into her stuffed animals. I have a child that cries at the drop of the hat – and turns it off when you call her on it. I have a child that used to slam doors – until he lost that door and his privacy for a while. I have a child that stomps. I have a child that glares.

I have three VERY NORMAL CHILDREN when it comes to dealing with emotions. They learn from example – and I have done all of those (cept the crying. That drives me batshit at any age.). They don’t do all of those anymore, or even some of them – but it’s our job to teach our children how to handle emotional overload – by example.

I’m Irish. Sometimes you need to scream. Doing so into your stuffed animal’s belly is MUCH better release then doing it unintended at someone you love.

* Show interest in your child’s education and activities

Every little league game. Every basketball game. Every concert – choir AND band. Every swim meet. Every twirl girl performance I can get too. Every kindergarten parent lunch with crappy food and loads of other people’s kids. EVERY little thing I can attend for my kids, I’m there. Once, at a band concert, one of my daughter’s friends told me “I’m so glad you’re here, mom. My parents NEVER come to ANYTHING.” and it broke my heart. It doesn’t matter if your ears BLEED afterwards – be there for your kids. THATS what they want.

BE THERE. My parent’s were there for me, and are there for my kids too. BE THERE. There is nothing more important than making sure you’re kids know they are important enough to you for you to BE THERE.

* Keep family traditions to create positive memories

This goes hand in hand with the one above – it’s about positive reinforcement, ya’ll. DOOOOO EEEEEEEEET.

And the one they forgot – you know what I’m gonna say, right? Ready? Here we go:

TALK TO YOUR KIDS!

You’ll be amazed at what you’ll learn.

You know, I’m working really really REALLY HARD to not realize that he’s graduating in May, that he turns 18 in March, that he’s Practically A Grown Up and my parental control will not be near as controlling as I’d like it to be for my little boy forever and ever amen. I’m TRYING to put blinders on – but OH NO. He has to go and do things like… oh, brandish his new Class Ring all over the place.

Harumph.

It came in the mail last week, and the boy couldn’t be more pleased! Even so, I love how the photo of his hand describes so many things about my son. For example:

1. His hands are HUGE. They swallow mine, and I have big hands for a girl!

2. His hand is DIRTY. Dude. Could you BE more of a boy? Wash your hands!

3. He’s cracked his knuckle there on something, and in typical boy fashion, keeps picking at it. Srsly Boy? Gross. And also? WASH YOUR HANDS.

4. Look at all the nicks and scars – this boy is CLUMSY. Usually with sharp and pointy things.

5. Those hands are not just large, but strong, just as strong as the heart and mind of my PRESHUSH BEBE BOY. They are hands that he uses to help up a friend in need, hands he uses to help make something work that was broken, hands he uses to defend his friends, hands he uses to protect his sisters, hands he uses to console his poor mama who’s not handling this growing up thing very well.

Sigh. This growing up stuff sucks.

On the previous posts, we talked a little about huffing. While that’s not detectable via any drug test, if you’re worried about other types of drug use, there is an at home testing system that you can use.

This of course, brings up the issues of teenagers and privacy again – but there is another side to it. If you’re child is feeling pressured to try things he’s not ready for, or shouldn’t do ever anyway, sometimes even if they HATE it, being able to say “No way, my mom TESTS me for that crap” is an easier way to say no. And I’m all for giving our kids every possible advantage.

If you’re interested in more details, check it out here!

You’ll notice that on here, I rarely use my kids real names, though I do use actual pictures now and again. At most an initial, a nickname, something that makes it a little more difficult to trace. I do this out of respect for my teenagers – and their privacy.

But that’s a tenuous thing – teenage privacy. Lindsay, over at Suburban Turmoil at the Nashville Scene broached the subject a couple days ago. When her girls mention a new member of their group, she dives into facebook profiles and makes sure they’re the type of kid her girls should hang out with. She even uses Google Earth, to find their home when there’s parties.

I’m sure Lindsay isn’t alone in this – many parents take advantage of their friends facebook and social networking skills to keep an eye on their kids. Lindsay limits her stalking to what’s publicly available on the ‘Net for the most part, as they are her step-daughters, but admits that with her own kids, all bets are off if she suspects something is wrong. I’m going to ignore the difference there – as I’d treat them all the same, myself, but that’s how it works for her family, so that’s good for them. However – how deep should a parent go when it comes to their teenagers privacy?

I know most teens want parents to butt out – and I know most parents won’t. And I don’t think they should. As I told my kids, all along – no matter where you are, imagine me RIGHT BEHIND YOU, watching. I have spies EVERYWHERE, and I WILL find out. They only pushed against it a couple times, then discovered that indeed, mom DID have friends everywhere, and even something so simple as walking across the highway to a different store was noted and reported back to mom. Can’t get away with NUTHIN in this small town, GOSH.

If you’ve taught your teens to be aware that you WILL be randomly checking in on them – chances are they won’t misbehave. Too much. Sure they’ll push, it’s what they DO. It’s our job to find a happy medium.

Would I search my kids rooms randomly for no reason? No. If I suspected there was something really wrong? Absolutely. Once, I was talking to my son in his room, and was leaning against the fridge, and randomly popped it open. His jaw DROPPED because he knew what I’d find in there – and INSTANTLY confessed that it was there, it wasn’t his, it was unopened, he was just holding it for someone. He was telling the truth – about it being unopened, at least, which lead me to believe the rest. I didn’t demand that he nark o his friend, whichever one it was that had put the bottle in there. I simply demanded it be removed, and it not happen again, and why. The bottle disappeared, the situation has never happened re-occurred, and they know I’m prone to randomly opening their fridge. Or cupboard. Or lifting a stack of books I happen to be standing next to at the time while we talk. I fidget – and I use it to my advantage.

I think the bottom line is this: if you suspect something is actively WRONG, then do some snooping. Otherwise, find a comfortable medium for you and your teens. Which means – and you know exactly what I’m going to say here, right? Here we go, let’s say it together, ok? 1. 2. 3.

TALK TO YOUR KIDS.

Sometimes, it’s really that simple.

[There are a wealth of things available to help keep track of your teens - we'll get to them tomorrow...]