Archive for the ‘NaBloPoMo’ Category

It’s D.A.R.E time for our fifth graders, and the Pup is taking part. Of course, it’s mandatory, so she HAS to take a part, but I’m ok with that.

There are ups and downs to the program, of course, depending on your child.

Upside to all kids: education on drugs and the harm they cause.

Downside to many kids: Sudden superiority and ‘I know everything and will TELL you things that are bad for you ALL THE TIME’ syndrome that ends up with Mama/Auntie strangling 5th graders.

(No, I wouldn’t ACTUALLY strangle them! I’d have to put down my bong.)
(..totally kidding. They’re little still, I only need one hand.)
(..really, I’m kidding. It’s ok.)

DARE education covers all the basics, drugs, alcohol, cigarettes. But there’s one thing they don’t cover in much depth – and since DARE can be used as a springboard for you to (here it comes) TALK TO YOUR KIDS, be sure to bring it up: huffing.

Check out the Today Show’s investigative report on Huffing that aired yesterday:

It’s a growing problem with our tweens – completely legal, and also, deadly. We’ve always been open about drug talks here in the house – what we’ve done, what we haven’t, what we want for our kids, everything – and we talked about huffing too. It’s a growing trend – so please, TALK TO YOUR KIDS. Remember that YOU are their biggest champion, their biggest hero, even when they’re screaming they hate you, and slamming doors.

Talk to them.
Today.

When we had The Boy, I was momentarily terrified. I mean, I had a sister, no brothers, my mother was a sister, no brothers, my dad raised daughters, and well, who knew how to raise a BOY? And more importantly, how do we raise a BOY who is sensitive enough that all the girls (and their mama’s and papa’s) will be pleased to know him, but who can also kick as when he needed too? I mean, I WAS a girl. Girls I understand. (and, sorta, ya know, fear. haha.) But a BOY?

Fortunately, as my kids are fond of saying, I have the mind of a 16 year old boy, and I think we’ve managed to do pretty well in the past almost 18 years. The boy is strong, sensitive, knows when to fight, when to back down, and most importantly, treats the girls he knows (aside from his sisters, of course) with the utmost respect. They turn to him as the best friend, the one with the strong shoulders, the one they can talk too, who will respect them and not ask for anything in return.

This of course means he doesn’t have a girlfriend – but as I keep telling him, girls marry their best friends, not the asshole badboys. So hang in there, your time is coming…

So how did it come about? There were a few times of disagreement with my husband, but the one thing he ALWAYS insisted on was that The boy never hit a girl. Ever. He and I even fought over that a bit, because I was of the mind that if a girl hauled off and punched him in the face, she kinda deserved what she dished out. Heh. We compromised by teaching the Boy that to hold her so she CANT hit him again is ok. Then it never ever came up, so we didn’t have to worry – because he IS so sweet to his feminine counterparts.

My dad always said that in raising boys, you only had to worry about “one prick in town” but to raise girls was to worry of “every prick in town!” and I’m pleased as all get out to know that the boy is someone parents are pleased to know, that parents trust with their daughters, because he cares for them and takes care of them too. The boy even hugs his mama in public and still tells me that he loves me every single day – even in front of his friends.

So what advice to I have for the raising of boys?
Let them explore. They’re going to do stupid shit – things we think are dangerous, but that’s how boys learn not to do that again (or to do it differently). Remind them that no matter WHAT they do, you’ll be there to pick them up, so that when someone else does something stupid, they’ll be there to do the same. Teach them to respect women, teach him to defend them, and to defend himself. Teach your sons to listen, to think before they act, that it’s not a bad thing to have feelings, and to question why. Sounds lofty, huh? How do you do that?

Lead by example.
It’s really that simple.

Now go hug your boy, and ask him how his day was, huh?

Raising girls is a scary scenario for many folks. Girls are moody and unpredictable and prone to self esteem issues and have to fight for careers and equal pay and face the huge dilemma of family vs. career and have to figure out how to juggle that, all while remaining supportive and happy and strong for their families. That’s a LOT of pressure to put on a girl, you know? Add to that the casual sexualization, the images in the media that focus on perfection (of an air brushed quality, of course!) and we find ourselves juggling what we see in print and on screen and what real girls look and feel like.

It’s a daunting task for a parent!

A while back Dove made a commercial filled with women of all shapes, sizes, and colors, naked (tastefully) and – most importantly – smiling. These women were (and are!) each beautiful, and comfortable in their own skin, despite a little extra curve there, a wrinkle here, a pouch over there. As a lover of women all shapes and sizes, the commercial made me smile every time I viewed it.

Since then, Dove has expanded their Campaign for Real Beauty into a feature rich site and resource to encourage healthy self-esteem for our girls! There is SO MUCH there in the ‘Just for Girls‘ section, including the True You booklet for mom’s and daughters, which goes through the mother/daughter relationship and how communication is the key.

You know what I ALWAYS say around here – TALK TO YOUR KIDS! This is no different, Dove Agrees. Here are some statistics that are important for us to know about our girls:

One-half of women around the world see family relationships as
having the greatest impact on their self-esteem.*
• Two-thirds of women believe that they are expected to be more
physically attractive than their mother’s generation.*
• Dissatisfaction with body image increases as girls progress to
adolescence. While 75% of girls 8-9 years old say they like the
way they look, only 56% of girls 12-13 years old feel that way.**
• One-third of all girls 14-17 years old think they are overweight,
and 60% are trying to lose weight.**
• Over 50% of girls 11-15 years old say that their mother helps
them the most when they have a problem.***

* Dove’s Real Truth About Beauty Study
** Girl Scout Research Institute – Teens Before Their Time, 2000
***Girl Scout Research Institute – The Ten Emerging Truths: New Directions for Girls 11-17, 2002

There are a ton of resources there to be had – including quizzes for your girls to take on the health of their relationships with their friends and family, body facts and fiction, how their self-esteem affects other people, how to help their confidence grow, and many more. I encourage you to check it out, and then show it to your girls! Healthy self-esteem starts at home, and Dove has some great tools to help us get there.

Check it out today!

And no, this time I don’t mean “Holidays”! No, this time it’s all about the Pre-Teen Pup, and her swimming. For the next six months she will be in the pool, thinking about the pool, talking about the pool, dreaming about the pool, and working her hardest to shave time off her her best race each and every time she gets in the pool and competes. It’ll be all backstroke this, and breaststroke that and freestyle splash n dash and omg the butterfly my poor shoulders, block starts, flip turns and streamline, streamline, streamline! It’ll be new suits, team suits, goggles that fall off in the middle of races, adjustments, cheers and even some tears. It’ll be fights with coach and adoration of coach and promises of ice cream for all DQs. (In our family, a DQ – disqualification, gets DQ – Dairy Queen!) It’ll be sauna like temperatures in the pool, videos and pictures, tired swimmers and exhausted mommies.

In short? It’ll be a blast!
(…mostly… ha!)

I’ve been doing this Swimmer Support role since my sister was on the High School swim team. I was down on deck, counting down the endless laps for the 500 freestyle for her, delivering her inhaler, and wearing a shirt that declared me “J’s sister!” next to my mom who wore a shirt that said “J’s mom!” while she ran around in a shirt over her suit that said “I’m J!”

Her heart was broken when my older two showed zero interest in swimming other than for fun. Then came the Pup, who dove in last year with Auntie and all the cousins and hasn’t looked back – much to my sister’s delight. It just wasn’t quite right without my being in the stands, apparently!

Last year The Pup wanted to beat her cousin in just ONE THING – though he had a year’s previous experience and as a male tends to just be stronger and faster. In the end, though, she prevailed. She got an “Honor Time” certificate for her backstroke – which is a 4th place team finish. Her cousin got several good times and medals, but they were in his SECOND year, not his first like the Pups, so that satisfied that goal.

This year, her goals are all about times. She has an AMAZING breaststroke, which is something that just sort of clicked for her toward the end of last season, and her backstroke is still very strong. Freestyle is strong, her butterfly is coming along, and we’re all about beating last years times for personal best. She also has her eyes on the times of the High School Champ of my Sister’s generation – who FINALLY saw one of her records come down just this year! She knows she won’t be able to hit those until High School, but she’s DETERMINED to be ready to destroy the record board by then.

I believe she can do it.

But most importantly – SHE believes she can do it, and I’ll sit in the uncomfortable bleachers, sweating like a pig in the humid 12930182 heat for the next 6 months and all the years following, and cheer myself hoarse for hours on end to help her get there. After all, lookit that face – could YOU resist?

Yeah, no.
Me either.

GO PIRANHAS!

It’s that time of year again! We suddenly start wondering what the heck we’re going to get the teenagers for Christmas. Their tastes are different, the gifts smaller and way more expensive! So it’s time to plan ahead.

I ran into this site on one of those “follow the links and see where you land” forays into the wide world of the internets – and what do you know – something awesome for the music loving teen in your house!

It’s called Wear Your Music.org – and they sell bracelets made of guitar strings. They have several that are actual strings owned and played on by actual music stars – but if that’s too rich for your blood, check out the Fashion Bracelets instead, which are just $10 a pop, and come in a variety of colors. They also have charms and necklaces for under $20! And the best part? Proceeds go to the Artist chosen charities.

AND – if you become a fan of WYM.org on facebook, you are eligible to win free stuff every week from now to Christmas!

So… what are you waiting for? Check it out!

Winner, winner chicken dinner! We ended up with 10 amazing folks signing up for the giveaway (Thanks Mama, for the late night Ravelry plug!) to win a String-Ring of their very own! So this morning, as soon as I drug myself from my OH SO WARM bed into the chill of a -4F morning, I plugged each name, in order, into Randomizer.org:

And then, after double checking the names – I hit “Randomize” on that puppy to see who won. DRUUUUUUUUUUUM ROLL PLEASE!

Congrats Charlene! I’ll shoot you an email here shortly with the details and get your String-Ring out to you asap!

Thanks to everyone who entered and shared their stories! I loved reading them, and I wish everyone a wonderful holiday season! Remember to be kind to a stranger today – even if it’s just a smile. If they ask why? Tell them Lessa told you too.

Happy Saturday!

Happy Friday the 13th, ya’ll! AS for that very large word up there in the title that I cannot pronounce, it’s a mouthful that means “Fear of Friday the 13th”. Ha!

My best memories of Friday The 13th – is watching part 1, 2, and 3 on a Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday night with my Uncle, then the following Saturday? Going to camp for 6 weeks. On a lake. Yeah, THERE was a smart idea, Lessa! It did foster my love for horror movies though, something that I’ve passed on to my own children.

Anyway – that’s not what I’m reminding you about today! Today happens to be World Kindness Day too – and we still have a random giveaway to sign up for! Go to THIS POST RIGHT HERE and leave a comment and become eligible for the prize! You can comment right on up till midnight tonight, my time (Alaska time) and I’ll draw for the winner tomorrow. Currently, there’s four entries- the odds are good!

So sign up today, and also – be kind to someone too, will you? Need some ideas? Here ya go:

Happy Friday!

It’s time for another snark filled edition of Ask Parenting Teens Blog! Remember, you two can get your questions answered if you just click here! And while you’re clicking, don’t forget to hit the sweepstakes over there –> as well as sign up for this weeks PTB Week of Kindness give away right HERE. Whew! Now, on to the question!

Dear PTB:
My daughter is 15, and she’s just MEAN. Not to anyone else, though, just to ME. She has friends, she is nice to her siblings – both older, both boys – but she just smarts off to me time and time again! Like the other day, she wanted a pen, and I gave her one, but it was the wrong color and she wanted me to buy her a different one and I told her I had things to do and she said “like what, just STAND there?” and that was really hurtful! She never talks to anyone else this way! I take away her texting every time she says something rude but she won’t stop! All her friends think I’m a good mom, but not her! She gets good grades and is generally a good kid, she just hates me! What do I do?!
~Mama Hurts

Dear Mama,
Welcome to the world of Female Teenage Hell. Really, you can’t possibly be surprised, right? You are? Ok. Here we go.

You probably expected that your daughter would be easy, just as your sons were, right? It’s not gonna happen. A teenage girl is an entirely different animal. In fact, sometimes, we aren’t sure they’re even really human – they’re too screechy moody yellingly bullheaded and stubborn. They slam doors, stomp around, smart off, and nothing is good enough for them. They hate you, they know you hate them, and WHY IS EVERYONE ALWAYS PICKING ON ME GOOOOOOOOOOOOD LEMME ALOOOOOOOOOOOOOONE. (slam). Right? Right.

Now, I’m not saying its ok for her to be mean to you, but I do want you to stop and think this through a bit. To a teenage girl, EVERYTHING is high drama. The wrong color pen, a missing button, a speck of dust on a window she didn’t even clean herself. Hormones are crazy, her body and mind are struggling to adjust, and she’s searching for something she can control. She’s hoping it’ll be Mom. She’s learning it’s not that easy.

So while she’s learning to control her own reactions and actions, you need to teach her by example – and control your own. You take her texting away every time she says something you think is mean? Well, of COURSE she thinks you’re mean then! It’s her main form of breath – I mean, communication! And if yo do it every time, no matter the severity of the comment, etc, then it’s not really a matter of the punishment fitting the crime. Time to think of some other creative ways to get through to her – this one isn’t working.

When my kids were young (two of them girls) I knew the day would come when they’d say the phrase every parent swears they’ll never hear, but 99% of us do. The dreaded “I HATE YOU!” which is often followed by “You’re the worst mom EVER!” and the slam of a door. So, I decided ahead of time how I was going to handle it. Every time one of my kids said they hated me, I very calmly told them exactly this:

“That’s OK, I love you enough for the both of us.”

You see, even if they yell that they hate us, act like they do, push our buttons – they don’t really. There’s something going on that is bothering them, or they’re just trying to see how much they can push you, and where you draw the line. Another thing I’ve taught my kids is that the ONLY reactions they can control, is their own – and in remaining calm and simply saying the above in the face of their “hatred”, I prove that to them as well. I can’t control their feelings, and I don’t want too, either. I can, however, control how I react to them.

We’re a bunch of snarky folks around my house – if my daughter snarked “just stand there?” I’d say something along the line of “Why yes, I am quite fond of this spot. I think I’ll just STAND here all DAY. It’s my FAVORITE spot in the WHOLE HOUSE.” Just to see what she’d say. She’d probably flounce away and slam a door. Then I’d laugh. Because I am mean, heartless and cruel.

(And if she KEPT slamming the door, I’d remove it from the hinges. But that’s a different story.)

So bottom line is this: She doesn’t really hate you. She’s trying to push your buttons. She may even be upset because all her friends sing your praises, and she just doesn’t see you the same way because your HER mom and not THEIR mom. So it’s really very simple – don’t let her get to you. Remain calm, don’t take it personally, and remind her that you love her anyway. Try talking to her, without raising voices, without anyone else around to know you’re (GASP) talking, and see if there’s something else bothering her, too.

Remember, once upon a time, you were 15, and you hated your parents too.

You even said that her grades are good, she respectful to others, she has good friends, and is generally a very sweet and good girl. So talk to her, temper your own reactions, and see where that gets you. You might be surprised.

So, I had this AWESOME post planned today? and well. This happened:

And I had to find socks.

Sigh. Can I hibernate for the winter?!

While I contemplate the possibilities of that vs. actually putting socks ON and maybe even retiring the sandals for the winter – make sure you go HERE and sign up for the giveaway!

Anyone who’s read any of my numerous blogs knows that I have a possibly unhealthy love for reality TV. It tickles my fancy, it reminds me that people are NUTS, and that my life? is not so bad. In fact, my life? is pretty darn good, and my kids are better than yours, and while we’re not perfect, we’re not airing our dirty laundry on the television!

(Just on the internets. SHHHH. That’s TOTALLY different!)

Anyway, I was flipping through channels last night, and while I tend to avoid the UBER trashy MTV and VH1 versions of reality TV as there are some levels even I won’t stoop too, I came across a series on CMT. (Anyone else remember when the music channels played, ya know, music? No? Just me? OK then.) It was called World’s Strictest Parents and I was instantly hooked. Thank goodness it was a 4 episode marathon!

The premise is simple – take two “bad” kids, and put them up with an uber strict family for a week, make them earn their keep, suffer the horrors of discipline and structure, and then send them home again after chatting with their parents. It’s like a cross between SuperNanny and Wife Swap and Boot Camp for Unruly Teenagers. In a word, it’s AWESOME.

These aren’t *bad* teens by any means. They’re rebellious and foul mouthed and they are pushing boundaries and getting a little out of control. What’s amazing though is seeing the turnaround when they discover that a perfect stranger cares enough about them to instill discipline and a sense of hard work and accomplishment. One family stripped the teens’ bedrooms to the bare essentials, and made them earn not only the bed, dresser, television – but also their clothing. They got one of their own outfits, and one bought for them, and had to earn the rest. While the teens understandably complained and LOUDLY over this practice, by the end of the week when they’d earned everything back again, you could SEE how much it meant to them as they realized they’d taken so many things for granted.

Now sure, I’d LOVE to see them do a “checking in with the teens 6 months later” show and see how much of it stuck. And it’s Reality TV which isn’t ALWAYS reality. But it does show something I keep preaching around here until I’m blue in the face. Ready? Say it with me!

TALK TO YOUR KIDS.
DISCIPLINE YOUR KIDS.
THEY WILL LOVE YOU MORE FOR IT.

So what’re you waiting for? Go say hi to your kid, already!

~~~~~~~~~~

Psst: Don’t forget to CLICK HERE, and enter this week’s giveaway!