Posts Tagged ‘teenagers’

I hope everyone is sufficiently recovered from their New Years Eve festivities in time for this, the first Monday of a brand new year to rear it’s ugly head! Before we move forward this year, I thought I’d finish off the fun we had here at Christmas time and beyond – because I know you’ve been asking yourself “What else has Lessa been up too?!” Right? Right!

So, I mentioned the awesome gift Peppermist got me – she knows I’m obsessed with pacman, original arcade style, yo! – and she got me a blue ghostie! That walks! Which is about 15 shades of AWESOME, ya know? So I was playing with it (…shush you…) while listening to my Glee Soundtrack (..if you ain’t listening and lovin’ Glee, I’m not sure we can be friends!) on my shiny new iPod Touch that the boy is still in trouble for and the Thong Song came on. And since my Ghostie was already holding my headphones…

And well. Who am I to resist the siren call of such an opportunity?! Observe…

INORITE?! So. Very. Awesome.

And as proof that I have THE BEST Teens on the planet, including the ones I kinda adopted – The Twins decided to spoil me/us too, and got me an old fashioned popcorn maker! It’s a little mini version of the BIG ones at the Theater, ya know? And it makes DELISH fluffy popcorn, which we can salt and butter to our liking, and we’ve gone through a metric ton of the stuff after stealing Nana and Papa’s popcorn kernals – cuz we didn’t have any of our own. Heh. (Yes, Nana! The Popcorn Fairy will arrive with more soon, all fresh popped and delish!) It’s a BIG hit, and we’ve eaten the Pup’s Weight in the stuff since it was delivered. Thanks girls!

What else – OH YES. For Christmas, Peppermist, who wants to be the Alaskan Ace Of Cakes, received an awesome basket of cake decorating goodies and cake mixes from Nana to practice with! Thus, a couple nights ago, Peppermist armed herself with Auntie’s icing recipe, and took over the kitchen for her very first cake decorating experience.

There were mutterings, there were ponderings, there was the decision to simply use pink because she likes it so THERE mama. She was determined to learn to make an icing rose – and when she bounded around the corner happily to show off a perfect rose, I couldn’t help but applaud. I asked her if it was on the first try – and she said yes…around a mouthful of pink icing. Hahahah!

The cake turned out pretty damn well, especially for her first time. I look forward to sampling many other creations over the years to come. Nana’s already put in her order for her upcoming birthday, even.

Watch out, Duff! The Alaskan Ace Of Cakes is on her way!

So, my son, while he was still driving my car a couple days ago (His truck is fixed now, WHEEE! Well, mostly. It was making an odd noise when the Boy left for work… anyway) I got this GIDDY call from my sister.

Her: I’m TELLIN!
Me:…tellin what? (damn, what did I do?
Her: Did your son call you?
Me: …. nooooooooo (oh shit, what did HE do now…)
Her: he just called Uncle to pull him out of the DITCH!
Me: ….in MY CAR?

So yes. The boy had gone around the corner, and in his typical fashion (I imagine) was “drifting” (though I’ve TOLD him that drifting is done on PAVEMENT not snow – what they do is SLIDING) and put himself in the ditch. At least, that’s what I assumed. I also figured that he wouldn’t call and fess up, because his daddy? NEVER would have.

He surprised me.

Boy: So… has your car been in the ditch yet?
Me: Not while I’VE been driving it..
Boy: CRAP. Auntie tattled, didn’t she.
Me; Oh yes she did.

Now, the boy’s story is this: He was minding his own business, driving down the middle of the road and SUDDENLY AND HE DOESN’T KNOW HOW OR WHY he was in the ditch, and unable to get out, even with my 4×4.

Umhm. He still sticking to the story too. Uncle pulled him out, he got to work on time, and I forgot about it really, until Auntie and I went shopping together today and I went and picked her up. And she pointed out the tire tracks. Now, I’m not gonna continue to tell the boy that _I_ think he was “drifting” and slid too far, because he knows. However, I WILL give you the following evidence and let you decide yourself.

Observe:

Now, sure. SOME of those tracks are from the Truck that pulled him out. HOWEVER, please note the width of the road:

Ummmmmmmmhmmmmmm.
I rest my case.

You, my darling son, can tell me whatever ya like – but you been BUSTED.

On the previous posts, we talked a little about huffing. While that’s not detectable via any drug test, if you’re worried about other types of drug use, there is an at home testing system that you can use.

This of course, brings up the issues of teenagers and privacy again – but there is another side to it. If you’re child is feeling pressured to try things he’s not ready for, or shouldn’t do ever anyway, sometimes even if they HATE it, being able to say “No way, my mom TESTS me for that crap” is an easier way to say no. And I’m all for giving our kids every possible advantage.

If you’re interested in more details, check it out here!

When we had The Boy, I was momentarily terrified. I mean, I had a sister, no brothers, my mother was a sister, no brothers, my dad raised daughters, and well, who knew how to raise a BOY? And more importantly, how do we raise a BOY who is sensitive enough that all the girls (and their mama’s and papa’s) will be pleased to know him, but who can also kick as when he needed too? I mean, I WAS a girl. Girls I understand. (and, sorta, ya know, fear. haha.) But a BOY?

Fortunately, as my kids are fond of saying, I have the mind of a 16 year old boy, and I think we’ve managed to do pretty well in the past almost 18 years. The boy is strong, sensitive, knows when to fight, when to back down, and most importantly, treats the girls he knows (aside from his sisters, of course) with the utmost respect. They turn to him as the best friend, the one with the strong shoulders, the one they can talk too, who will respect them and not ask for anything in return.

This of course means he doesn’t have a girlfriend – but as I keep telling him, girls marry their best friends, not the asshole badboys. So hang in there, your time is coming…

So how did it come about? There were a few times of disagreement with my husband, but the one thing he ALWAYS insisted on was that The boy never hit a girl. Ever. He and I even fought over that a bit, because I was of the mind that if a girl hauled off and punched him in the face, she kinda deserved what she dished out. Heh. We compromised by teaching the Boy that to hold her so she CANT hit him again is ok. Then it never ever came up, so we didn’t have to worry – because he IS so sweet to his feminine counterparts.

My dad always said that in raising boys, you only had to worry about “one prick in town” but to raise girls was to worry of “every prick in town!” and I’m pleased as all get out to know that the boy is someone parents are pleased to know, that parents trust with their daughters, because he cares for them and takes care of them too. The boy even hugs his mama in public and still tells me that he loves me every single day – even in front of his friends.

So what advice to I have for the raising of boys?
Let them explore. They’re going to do stupid shit – things we think are dangerous, but that’s how boys learn not to do that again (or to do it differently). Remind them that no matter WHAT they do, you’ll be there to pick them up, so that when someone else does something stupid, they’ll be there to do the same. Teach them to respect women, teach him to defend them, and to defend himself. Teach your sons to listen, to think before they act, that it’s not a bad thing to have feelings, and to question why. Sounds lofty, huh? How do you do that?

Lead by example.
It’s really that simple.

Now go hug your boy, and ask him how his day was, huh?

It’s time for another snark filled edition of Ask Parenting Teens Blog! Remember, you two can get your questions answered if you just click here! And while you’re clicking, don’t forget to hit the sweepstakes over there –> as well as sign up for this weeks PTB Week of Kindness give away right HERE. Whew! Now, on to the question!

Dear PTB:
My daughter is 15, and she’s just MEAN. Not to anyone else, though, just to ME. She has friends, she is nice to her siblings – both older, both boys – but she just smarts off to me time and time again! Like the other day, she wanted a pen, and I gave her one, but it was the wrong color and she wanted me to buy her a different one and I told her I had things to do and she said “like what, just STAND there?” and that was really hurtful! She never talks to anyone else this way! I take away her texting every time she says something rude but she won’t stop! All her friends think I’m a good mom, but not her! She gets good grades and is generally a good kid, she just hates me! What do I do?!
~Mama Hurts

Dear Mama,
Welcome to the world of Female Teenage Hell. Really, you can’t possibly be surprised, right? You are? Ok. Here we go.

You probably expected that your daughter would be easy, just as your sons were, right? It’s not gonna happen. A teenage girl is an entirely different animal. In fact, sometimes, we aren’t sure they’re even really human – they’re too screechy moody yellingly bullheaded and stubborn. They slam doors, stomp around, smart off, and nothing is good enough for them. They hate you, they know you hate them, and WHY IS EVERYONE ALWAYS PICKING ON ME GOOOOOOOOOOOOD LEMME ALOOOOOOOOOOOOOONE. (slam). Right? Right.

Now, I’m not saying its ok for her to be mean to you, but I do want you to stop and think this through a bit. To a teenage girl, EVERYTHING is high drama. The wrong color pen, a missing button, a speck of dust on a window she didn’t even clean herself. Hormones are crazy, her body and mind are struggling to adjust, and she’s searching for something she can control. She’s hoping it’ll be Mom. She’s learning it’s not that easy.

So while she’s learning to control her own reactions and actions, you need to teach her by example – and control your own. You take her texting away every time she says something you think is mean? Well, of COURSE she thinks you’re mean then! It’s her main form of breath – I mean, communication! And if yo do it every time, no matter the severity of the comment, etc, then it’s not really a matter of the punishment fitting the crime. Time to think of some other creative ways to get through to her – this one isn’t working.

When my kids were young (two of them girls) I knew the day would come when they’d say the phrase every parent swears they’ll never hear, but 99% of us do. The dreaded “I HATE YOU!” which is often followed by “You’re the worst mom EVER!” and the slam of a door. So, I decided ahead of time how I was going to handle it. Every time one of my kids said they hated me, I very calmly told them exactly this:

“That’s OK, I love you enough for the both of us.”

You see, even if they yell that they hate us, act like they do, push our buttons – they don’t really. There’s something going on that is bothering them, or they’re just trying to see how much they can push you, and where you draw the line. Another thing I’ve taught my kids is that the ONLY reactions they can control, is their own – and in remaining calm and simply saying the above in the face of their “hatred”, I prove that to them as well. I can’t control their feelings, and I don’t want too, either. I can, however, control how I react to them.

We’re a bunch of snarky folks around my house – if my daughter snarked “just stand there?” I’d say something along the line of “Why yes, I am quite fond of this spot. I think I’ll just STAND here all DAY. It’s my FAVORITE spot in the WHOLE HOUSE.” Just to see what she’d say. She’d probably flounce away and slam a door. Then I’d laugh. Because I am mean, heartless and cruel.

(And if she KEPT slamming the door, I’d remove it from the hinges. But that’s a different story.)

So bottom line is this: She doesn’t really hate you. She’s trying to push your buttons. She may even be upset because all her friends sing your praises, and she just doesn’t see you the same way because your HER mom and not THEIR mom. So it’s really very simple – don’t let her get to you. Remain calm, don’t take it personally, and remind her that you love her anyway. Try talking to her, without raising voices, without anyone else around to know you’re (GASP) talking, and see if there’s something else bothering her, too.

Remember, once upon a time, you were 15, and you hated your parents too.

You even said that her grades are good, she respectful to others, she has good friends, and is generally a very sweet and good girl. So talk to her, temper your own reactions, and see where that gets you. You might be surprised.

In August, Peppermist turned 15. Her birthday was on a week when we had zero cash flow, and she – being the most awesome of awesomeness – accepted that I had a gift in mind, but it would need to wait a bit. I promised I’d surprise her with it soon…ish. That’s not to say we didn’t have us a family party with friends and family and cake and gifts – because we totally did! But she knew there was something coming for her still, and I kept reminding myself to get something awesome.

Problem was – I’d picked something already, and then lost the bookmark, and couldn’t remember what/where it was exactly, and OMG I’m the WORST MOTHER in the WORLD, right? RIGHT. I needed something to remind me, maybe an old fashioned string around the finger would help…

WAIT. THAT WAS IT! I REMEMBERED!

I don’t remember where I first saw the String Ring, exactly, but I remember loving the idea, and wanting to get one for Peppermist for her birthday. The String Ring takes memory one step farther – as it’s built around Remembering to be Kind. It’s a “cue to remind yourself, and those who notice it, to be kind to one another. To do a kind act, or even think something kind.” It comes with colored string, which signify different things from culture to culture – and they even have a handy list of what each color means, for you to chose your favorite one to thread your ring with.

It’s a beautiful ring – and two months later, my daughter is finally wearing one. And she “SQUEE”d when she opened it – so I knew I’d done good! It’s a beautiful ring – and VERY shiny, and we all know Peppermist LOVES the shiny!

This week is Random Act of Kindness week – surrounding World Kindness Day on November 13th. As part of the celebration – I have decided to give one of you lucky readers a gift! That’s right – FREE STUFF! For one lucky reader/commenter on this here blog entry, I’ll purchase and send you a String-Ring of your very own. Keep it, give it to another as a gift, remember to be Kind – it’s up to you!

So, hit up the comment section on THIS ENTRY ONLY, tell me about a Random Act Of Kindness you have done, plan to do, or experienced yourself, and I will enter you into random drawing for a String-Ring of your very own. Entries accepted until 11:59pm, Alaska time, on World Kindness Day, November 13th, I’ll announce the winner on Saturday, November 14th. Please make sure to use a valid email, so that I can contact the winner and get the necessary details for the ordering of your ring.

And today? Try this simple RAK: Say hello to a stranger – and smile.

Ok – this is my last halloween post, I swear! I just had to share the kick-ass costumes that Z’s mom made for our boys! What was shocking is that so few people in our town have seen The Nightmare Before Christmas, and the boys had to explain their costumes more than once. TSK. What’s this world coming too, when such an awesome film is neglected?!

No matter – I’m sure YOU guys recognize these fellas, right?

That’s The Boy as Sandy Claws, St. as Oogie Boogie, and Z as Jack the Pumpkin King. The Boy DID find himself to be COMPLETELY popular by the younger kids, who wanted to get in early requests with Santa! Totally AWESOME job on the costumes, by The Boy’s “other” Mom! Thanks for all your hard work!

We had some last minute trick or treaters, too.

You know you live in Alaska when you expect to find shiny happy faces – and instead are greeted with Moose Butt (I’ll spare you THAT picture! Ha!) – followed by her turning around with a “What?” expression while she eats your last jack o lantern, playing keep away from her babies until she finishes all the choice bits.

Photo by The Twins' Mom from my driveway as she picked up her girls.

Yeah. Only in Alaska… Don’t you wish YOU could go trick or treating here?

Counting down, Letterman style…

5. Power Tools Make Boys Happy.
Now, I’m sure they make girls happy too, but well, we’re talking about The Boy here, and he has that gene that makes his eyes light up when he plugs in a power tool. That evil little gleam that he inherited from his father, that says “I can TAKE STUFF APART with this!” I always wondered why that gleam didn’t also say “I can FIX THINGS with this!” too.

4. I never worry about him NAPPING in shop class.
For the boy who prefers to sleep his way through high school, this is a plus. A love of Power Tools and Many Loud Noises means he’s not sleeping in at least ONE class this semester!

3. It’s useful stuff, they’re learning!
This isn’t algebra, where you are sure you’ll never use it again – never in the history of EVER, even. This is a class that teaches them how to fix things around the house. AKA: Make Mom Happy. In theory, anyway, as that doesn’t mean they ARE fixing stuff around the house. It just means they CAN fix things around the house. With their power tools. That they love. And use to dismantle entire rooms.

2. They teach them stuff about CARS too!
Like, more than “this is where the key goes, car goes vroom!” stuff! That’s the extent of my car knowledge, but the boy? He’s rewired The Beast’s wire harness, fixed headlights, tail lights, checked fluids, rebuilt full engines, done oil changes… this is all useful stuff for my son to know! Why? Because…

1. He VOLUNTEERED to take MY CAR to school today for an oil change!
That’s right. I bought the oil, the filter, and handed him the keys, and I get a free oil change from the boys at school. Even without all that other stuff? That would CERTAINLY be reason enough to have you’re kids take shop class, right? EXACTLY right!

… I wonder if I can get Peppermist to take shop class next year…

Think if I bribe her with the picture above – and promise her that’s what ALL the boys in shop class look like that – think that’ll work?