Me: HEY! Internet Friend! The HS band is on its way to Miami on Wednesday!
Internet Friend: Sweet!
Me: yeah, so, all of the punishments for rule-breaking involve "sent home at parent's expense" and since, ya know, i don't HAVE any spare expense? I just told Peppermist if she fucks up, she was staying in Florida with you.
Internet Friend:... I hope to god you were kidding...
Me: ....why would I kid about something like that *wide eyed*
Peppermist: but I thought your internet friends LOVED ME? TEAR!
Internet Friend:...I have one 58 alcoholic child to deal with. I don't think I could handle another.
Peppermist: but I'm not an alcoholic! .....most of the time.
Internet Friend: 0.0
Me: ...guess who she gets her sense of humor from...
Internet Friend: ...oh boy.

Glee Cast, on winning their Golden Globe: This is for everyone who ever got a wedgie in high school!
Peppermist: I have never gotten a wedgie.
Me: In high school - I'm nice and only do that to you at home.
Peppermist: It has never happened!
Me: oh you LIE! It's happened JUST THIS YEAR!
Peppermist: Has not!
Me: Just a couple months ago!
Peppermist: That wasn't THIS YEAR, mom.
Me: ...........
Peppermist: BOOYAH, and she wins on a TECHNICALITY!